Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Jap movie with Jap guys~ lalala~
one last blog before i set off for Johore trip. =)
went to watch Howl's moving castle today. n yes~ i watched it with THREE jap guys. hehe. envious???
no lah. not a date. me went there alone... den i was exclaiming to the ticketing officer how sad to watch movie alone, den suddenly these 3 jap guys approach me n say if i'm so sad, why not sit with them? n becoz it's still early i got to drink coffee with them and chat til it's time.
believe me? hahaha.
anyway, really quite 有缘分... coz i met them 3 times before i sat with them in the cinema. think the first time i met them i was still listening to my music, den i heard them 叽里咕噜-ing in a language tt sounds vaguely familiar, but could not point my finger at, so i ended up frowning at them. talk about not welcoming foreigners eh? haha.
Anyway, the movie. Was adamantly insistent on watching it becoz of the good review, good feedback, and 木村拓哉's voice la. me quite shallow hor? haha. erm... overall ok lo. left the cinema feeling good. had a few laughs. was quite engrossed in the events in the movie. but the fact is, i'm still not THAT certain about the plot. did Sophie recover from her curse? How come she sometimes old sometimes get younger? Why Howl muz wait for Sophie to return his heart to him? can't he do it himself? n why the soceress want to stop the war right after seeing Howl got his heart back? Wat's with the dog anyway? Is Howl a bird monster in the first place? can see tt i haf alot of question marks swimming around me while watching the show. really hate my incompetency in listening and understanding jap. Ah! if only i can catch the essence of the movie with my own ears and brain~~~
ah! n 木村's voice is good. hrmm... but i'm not sure if it's as sexy as Raoul san's voice. didn't get me as excited though. hopefully can listen to Raoul san's voice again =)
n as i was watching, i notice the 3 jap guys beside me were quite er, bored i guess. i wonder wat they think of the singaporeans watching the show, since clearly most of us don't know jap. i also wonder wat they think about the 2 fat ladies sitting beside me tt keep giggling and chatting away. i guess tt's because they'd seen the show b4, n noe wat funny parts come next, but it's really kinda irritating to first time viewers like me. -crossed-
ah. in conclusion, i think i enjoy watching movies alone. i think i shall not waste too much energy in jio-ing other pple to watch movies with me in the future le. free n easy! the freedom! nice!
è¯å yawned @ 1:28 AM
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Monday, March 28, 2005
xiaxue~
first time i go read xiaxue's blog. link it from kj...
remember the first time i was told about this famous blogger on the web. my fren showed me the photo, den i very very confidently say: "nope! i dunno her, even though she's a fellow RV-ian"
den i read her blog entry "
I've screwed up my life" today n knew her real name, her photo w/out makeup and i can confidently say tt: "yup! i know her! i was one of the geeks she's refering to in 1D"
and though she say until like all the other 1D-ians other than herself are geeks that oooh-ed and ahh-ed when the teacher gave tt harsh comment, i can say this: i am one geek tt was falling asleep then, because i have totally ZERO recollection of the event. i don't even remember the Maths teacher she's talking about. Actually, i don't remember any of my lower sec teachers, except for one english relief teacher tt ultimately went to try his luck in Mediacorp, and turned up on TV one day acting as a drug addict for 5sec.
i tot the hype about A1s and F9s only happened in upper sec. apparently either my mind has selectively thrown some memories into the recycle bin, or her mind had the extra fun of generating ungrounded memories.
Anyway, i remember Yanyan the most distinctively her always pulled up socks tt will definitely get her into trouble in our stupid school, and also her art. my goodness her banner painting skills! i think my art in the later part of my sec 2 life was influenced by her use of colors. she's so skilled in it.
n yes, tt's y i showed no sense of surprise when she became prettier with her make-up. i also believe her when she say it needs skills to become pretty with make-up. and i can also admit tt i don't have the skill to.
Really, it's not a crime to not try n look pretty by refusing make-up and dressing up. i know tt guys (and gals) look out for people who are pretty, no matter natural or not. but if u do not have the social circle tt requires u to be pretty, why should u spend hours trying to doll urself up when in 5 mins of getting back home u'll destroy all those efforts?
argh. u can say tt i'm juz plain lazy.
anyway, although she will not read this, because i didn't leave a msg on her blog (not because i don't like her as a person, but most prob she won't remember me anyway, i'm such a quiet kid back then. hrm. no. i guess she'll juz remember me with all the other 1D-ians collectively as geeks), i still wanna say this:
nothing wrong with being in poly my dear. so what u can get into JC? i still ended up in poly wat. the only thing u miss when u're in poly are guys tt are of appropriate age for u, and tt's something tt u did not miss because u joined SP when u're 17, and i joined NYP when i'm 19. n plus! u always have had a better command of english then me. AND i think i'm still as empty-headed as when i first joined RV.
which meant i've wasted 7 yrs of schooling le. haiz.
and oh! to think u can decide tt going to JC is a waste of ur memory cells when u're 16 is actually quite a feat. i was stupid enough not to realise it. tt plainly shows how much more evolved and intelligent u are than me.
ah well. i shd go n do my assignments. here's wishing u all the best in ur future endeavours. =)
è¯å yawned @ 11:53 AM
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Sunday, March 27, 2005
NS
saw my brother off back to his camp this evening. First time i see him in his uniform. Suddenly feel tt he's all grown up, and he feels more like an elder brother rather than my otouto-chan... mixed feelings.
looked around the terminal, saw lotsa NS men waiting for the bus... abit intimidating... somehow, guys with NS uniform possess this sense of authority... yet when i see my brother and his platoon mates sitting on the bench waiting for their time to go back in, the aura they exude are more like criminals going back to prisons once again. Complaining about how short the weekend has been, and how much shorter the next one will be etc. interesting.
ah! i'll be looking forward to witnessing his passing-out parade. Pretty sure he'd grow up even more by then, and perhaps i can finally visit tekong. Missed my chance for the Parent's visiting day due to my clinicals. hopefully my next clinicals won't clash with the passing out parade again.
xxXcross_fingersXxx
è¯å yawned @ 11:35 PM
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Friday, March 25, 2005
mommy power~
no wonder my mum can survive in the sales line... fully felt the power of my mum's marketing power...
she just tricked me into agreeing to drink my 2nd cup of green bean soup.
女人真可怕~
è¯å yawned @ 2:42 PM
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Wednesday, March 23, 2005
YEAH!!!!!
wahahaha! woohoo! yes! yes! YES!!! IT'S OVER!!!!! lalalala~
to tell the truth, i was a bundle of high strung nerves this morning... or shd i say last nite, coz i turned n tossed all night but cldn't slp, my mind totally occupied by the presentation n final eval. den dis morning got stomachache somemore, so it shd be anxiety caused lah. but IT'S OVER!!! me n Geraldine are like super HIGH after work~ hahaha~~~
n it wasn't really tt bad. no, it is quite good actually. i kinda forgot my nervousness when i'm presenting (which i realise, is a trademark of me which i refuse to admit, since i believe tt if i admit it i'll slack more n one fine day i'll really do badly) so it's ok lah. final eval also, turned out like i'm arguing with my sup why i gave a lower grade for myself hahaha. he gave me quite high, but i think HuaBeng will moderate it down, cause i seriously dun deserve it...
n one interesting comment, my sup actually stressed to HuaBeng tt i'm good in admin work, as in data collection, documentation etc, tt he PLANNED my future career path to be a administrator... den HuaBeng told me if tt's the case, den i shd study admin for my Bachelor's right after i get my degree converted. wat a -duh- comment right? i nearly eyeball-ed them hahah. but well... if i do heed my sup's suggestion, den perhaps my future is with you le, xj... maybe i shd aim to be a case manager also wahaha.
Anyway, me n Geraldine went shopping for presents to buy for our sup, den i went to Kiddy Palace to get clothes for my sup's daughter... So CUTE!!! the clothes are ALL so cute!!! i now understand why some mums like to doll up their kid le~ really cannot resist... feel like buying one whole bunch of them hahaha...
ah! wat a relaxing evening watching tv! i literally feel an release of burden from my shoulders! wat a wonderful feeling!
è¯å yawned @ 9:31 PM
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Monday, March 21, 2005
black monday...
was feeling abit "floatish" when i wake up today, but remembering Michelle's reminder about not missing any clinical days if possible, i decided to forfeit my M.C. and went for clinicals...
wat a fateful decision it had been.
having spent the weekend nursing my health, i did not really plan for the day's activity. Wanted to go buy apple at the market downstairs on my walk to MRT, but ended up forgetting. Nvm, so i went instead to the Cold Storage at the nearby shopping center. Picked wat i needed for the clinicals, but ended up the counters only open at 8... haiz. can't wait tt long lah. otherwise i'd be late. erm... ok lah. maybe today dun do feeding, do shaving and brushing teeth can le. so returned all goods and went to work.
upon arriving at the center, i put down my bag, and thinking tt perhaps there'd still be something for me to use for feeding, i opened the fridge. shd make use of center's resources mah... woop! there's Hagen Daaz in the freezer! hrm... ice-cream is not a bad choice to start my client with spoon feeding~ asked the staff whose ice cream is tt? One therapist (therapist A) said it's hers. Asked if can spare abit for a session later? She stared at me and asked:
"wat if i say no?"
thinking she's testing me on grading activity, i replied:
"i'd use the apples instead"
she stared some more, and said:
"those are staff items u noe? cannot use for patients one. u better speak to ur supervisor about this"
oops. fine la. den i dun do feeding today lo. no need to blow the matter up wat. who noes news spread fast, and half way in the morning, my sup said to me:
"can i speak to u for a sec?"
my heartbeat stopped for a sec, and i followed him to the pantry.
my sup mopped ard abit, made himself a cup of coffee, and said:
"so er, can u tell me wat happened this morning?"
my heart said shit, but i told him factually tt i saw the ice-cream n i tot tt i might wanna use it. yaba yaba n so on. didn't tell him i was sick though. no point rite? he'll think i'm trying to get sympathy. anyway, the talk ended with him saying:
"i hope i wun have to receive this kind of complain again"
i don't know wat came over me, but i was trying hard to control my tears. i felt like i've committed a hideous mistake tt can cost me my whole clinical 2B. but i can't let it show, can i? need to regain my composure so tt can face my next client. so i held it back until i broke down during lunchtime. must have freaked out Geraldine then. but the stress of unfinished work from the weekend, and the humiliation of committing such mistake at my 4th week is just too much for me. so i cried.
if things ended just like tt, it would have been better, but no, heaven was unkind. towards the end of the day, when i've finished my load, my sup asked me to go to the com to work on my CRD, which i gladly agreed. the computer screen showed the logout page of the prog tt therapist document their SOAP. i tot tt since it's at the logout page, tt mean tt whoever who was using it had already finished using, so i clicked the cross. eh? no reponse. click again, still no response. aiyo. muz be prog hang le. so i open the task manager to close the prog. den logged out of windows. juz as i was logging in with my sup's password, the therapist (therapist B) tt was previously using the com rushed over n exclaimed tt she still need the com. mmm... ok lo i let u use bah. i go pantry write out my stuff first.
while i was in the pantry, i heard some commotion in the gym, something about student, computer etc. so i think muz be talking abt me la. hrm. shall not care. a while later, my sup came in n said he'll be doing a splint for a client, want me to watch. den he followed by saying:
"got a bad news for u"
my heart goes ??? n i stared at him.
"juz now u logged out therapist B's prog, and all the initial assessment notes tt she typed in halfway are all gone"
my heart goes !!! n i quickly explained to him tt i saw tt it's already on the logout page, and the prog hanged somemore! but i can see tt he dun believe me lah. i mean, even i seldom see the logout screen. pple usually juz cross out instead of logging out first b4 crossing out. haiz. i feel wronged.
anyway, after the splint, i decided i shd go say sorry to therapist B no matter wat. went to the pantry, saw therapist A talking to therapist B:
therapist A: aiyo y u so busy?
therapist B: aiyah lots of things to do. alot of documentation to write
therapist A: oh ya hor. esp after someone sabo-ed u.
i was like "..." waited for therapist A to exit b4 saying sorry to therapist B. tried to explain tt i saw tt it was on the logout screen b4 i cross it out, but i think she never really took it in. she smiled, and said something about it can't be helped, coz i dunno tt crossing out the prog will cause all data to disappear. n did she accept my apology? no.
To whoever tt's been planning the whole day's event for me, thanx alot dude. u've carved today's shame and humiliation onto me distinctively.
hiaz. as i was walking out of the center, i tot abt my sup's comment to huabeng during my midway eval, saying tt he's very ok about letting me work with remote supervision, because he trusts me on this kind of things. With this two things happening on the same day, i think my sup will change his mind. I kept thinking about how it'll affect my final eval, how it'll affect my presentation to all the OTs, and how it'll affect how other staff think of me, since therapist B apparently exclaimed tt i caused all the data to be lost in the gym, with all the clients and staff ard.
越想越烦, so i bought myself an ice-cream to eat on my walk out to the MRT. eat halfway den realise my stomache dun feel rite. luckily din have diarrhea until now, otherwise it'll be black event #3 for today le.
let's hope tt i wun haf diarrhea le lah, hor? n with all these events happening today, i juz wish tt someone quickly end my clinicals, or if tt's not possible, end my life instead.
è¯å yawned @ 7:51 PM
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Saturday, March 19, 2005
Price for being greedy
u pay when u're greedy.
i wasn't hungry when i ate the Big Breakfast in school today, but i ate it because breakfast time is about to end.
Result: i'm in agony now. i've puked twice and diarrhea-ed once. Now i'm constantly having a stomach-ache but no diarrhea (which is an agony), and the sensation of wanting to puke. My tummy is also churning and cramping.
oh my goodness. i'm in pain!!!! help!!! mummy!!!! *opens mummy's room door and found her sleeping to nurse her headache*
i'm feeling so lonely and helpless and in pain now. feel like cutting open and throwing away my stomach.
n i'm behind schedule!!! by now i shd haf finished drafting my CRD and researching on mattresses. i'm supposed to have time to explore my new Creative MuVo TX FM!!! i can't do any of those now~~~~ how???
*sob*
p/s: u can't imagine how difficult it is to blog. i gotta run to the washroom twice while i'm writing this. haiz.---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
9:20pm
i'm wearing jacket and long pants. i'm cold and shivering. i'm soft all over. i'm fevering. 38.4C
wat suay timing. can't it wait til Good Friday???
è¯å yawned @ 7:44 PM
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Thursday, March 17, 2005
headache...
i've got a headache today.
and for me to dedicate an entry on a headache would hint to you that this is actually a rather serious episode.
the cause is due the the unsual amount of tightness in my shoulder muscles. The muscles there are sooOOOooOO tensed that it is painful to even brush ur fingers over that spot. Even without brushing, it generates pain in other areas of the body, which in my case, is the head. (Simply put for those more well-versed in myofacial pain, it's the activation of the TP1 trigger point, with refered pain to the head)
It must have been real bad, coz geraldine identified it straight away and exclaimed its prominence when i asked her to do ischemic compression (a form of treatment for this kind of pain) for me.
Personally, i think my shoulders are slightly erm, unequal in height when i looked into the mirro juz now. hrm. hopefully it's juz my eyes playing tricks on me.
ah well. 5 more clinical days to go~
è¯å yawned @ 9:28 PM
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Monday, March 14, 2005
lousy hot sticky irritating day
I noticed that there has been a constant breeze throughout the day, and coupled with the fact tt the hospital tt i work in and the center tt i study Jap are air-conditioned, can someone please tell me
WHY AM I SOOOOOOOOOOO HOT AND STICKY????
I can't believe this. I'm tired, sticky, yucky, uncomfortable, itchy, smelly, sleepy and IRRITATED. I'm irriitated because i'm feeling tired, sticky, yucky, uncomfortable, itchy, smelly, sleepy, and also because the over stimulated sweat glands at my nose keep making my specs sliding off down my nose, which i HATE. I'm feeling so lousy today that i can't help thinking there's some extra-terrastrial entity having fun in making me feel bad. I know this kind of thinking adopted an external locus of control way of reasoning, but i really cannot find any other reason. I can't control my sweat glands, can i?
Or maybe i can.
No, i dun mean controlling my sweat glands. I mean i can play a part to regulate my level of irritation. I can do that by simply listening to wat my guts tell me.
E.g. 01:
One hour b4 end of the day @ hospitalScenario: Sup pops his head in n says he got one outpatient, and if i dun wanna see it's ok.
Guts: ok! dun see lah! u're sleepy anyway.
Brains: but u should get hold of every chance to observe rite? AND it may lead him to think u're hard working!
Decision: To observe session
Consequence: I doze off IN FRONT of my sup and the client. wow. great impression he'll have of me man.
E.g. 02
Right after workScenario: debating to go Jap or not
Guts: Dun go lah! u're so tired le! like half a zombie le! no point!
Brains: Aiyah! dun be lazy. go! go! anyway u've already finished the jap hmwork le mah...
Decision: Went for Jap class
Consequence: slumped on the table, barely managing to follow the verbal questionings, and hence getting increasingly irritated at my lack of attention.
E.g. 03
After Jap classScenario: to call home n ask mum if she wanna eat takoball from pasar malam or not.
Gut: ar~ dun wan lah. so hot there. plus u wanna go home n sleep rite?
Brains: mmm... but mummy might be hungry... no harm calling to make sure rite?
Decision: call mummy
Consequence: queue for v long time @ the takoball stall, but ended up with no takoballs but one full belly of anger.
argh~ talking about takoball stall makes me angry again. tt idiot owner. dunno wat he's doing. so many pple queueing up, so many orders, but he'll juz say "okok! but need to wait ok?" BUT! was he efficient in making the balls? NO!!! he juz like loiter here loiter there for a full 5 mins b4 starting to scope up the batter.
The most irritating thing about him is when i place my order, another lady cut queue and shouted hers as well. but i say first wat. But guess wat happened? he only say ok to tt lady. den i tot maybe he got hear but never acknowledge only. so i waited, during which was his loitering stinct, made me bue ta han. i also noticed he acknowledges everybody else's orders, some he even confirm again. so my suspicious rose. When the heat got into me, i went forward and asked: "Uncle, u remember my order or not?"
"yaya... er but i forget le. tell me again la" wa kao. if i tell u now u'll juz queue me behind the hordes of pple tt placed their orders after me rite? y shd i wait while u take ur own sweet time? so i said "oh u forget le ah? ok loh nvm i dun wan le. bye bye". Believe me, my face is totally black le.
tt's not the way to do business mah~ juz because i'm in a cleaner-like uniform doesn't gif u the rite the ignore me rite? juz becoz other pple dress prettily doesn't mean u'll gif them priority rite? n when running a one-man show at the stall, yes, u're supposed to show that u're in control, but u're not supposed to seem like u're loitering around. it gets on pple's nerves. esp pple who dun haf all the time in the world to wait for u.
so now i'm home with a smelly head of hair. the worst thing is i can't wash them becoz if i do, it can only dry the earliest by 2am, and i cannot stay awake that long. eeks.
-hump- realised that i've side tracked alot. anyway, the point i'm trying to get across thru the 3 e.gs is: my brain is lousier than my guts.
sad rite?
è¯å yawned @ 10:34 PM
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Saturday, March 12, 2005
false hopes
accidentally clicked on Internet Explorer. Was about to close it when suddenly i realise tt it's loading my homepage correctly! plus i receive 2 warnings from my firewall about 2 programs trying to access the net, which i promptly blocked. does tt mean tt i've gotten rid of the spywares and adwares tt had forced me away from IE???
After a few correct, no hassel navigation, plus a few checks on my tasks manager tt doesn't show any funny processes, my heart yelled in joy: YEAH!!!! my IE is back!!!
Happily surfing, checking my internet options, blah blah blah. ok! time to disconnect! clicked on cross out button. eh? how come my desktop so crowded suddenly?
...
ARGH!!!! the idiot!!! all the shortcuts to the various urls! gambling, sex, credit cards, u name it i haf it. Darned! Threw all away into recycling bin.
So my IE didn't come back after all. *sob* n becoz u borke my heart wif false hopes, i shall continue hating u until u're functional and spy/ad-ware free once again.
Good Bye!
è¯å yawned @ 7:20 PM
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Friday, March 11, 2005
License for cycling
Having the inspiration for my story out of the way, I shall get down to business and start complaining. This is, after all, a site meant for complaints.
Cyclists are inconsiderate, haughty, stupid assholes. I hate cyclists. Especially those that cycle on the pedestrian paths. Or more specifically, those that cycle along the path from my house to the MRT.
Do you know how many of the zoomed pass me on my 10min walk home today?
12. 12 stupid jerks. and 6 of them happened to confuse and disorientate me at the traffic junction. AT THE SAME TIME. I'm so d*mn irritated tt if the 13th cyclist appeared then, I'd swear the Id in me will take over my body and send tt unfortunate but irritating soul onto the grasspatch with a kick on the bike.
Cyclists are haughty because they think that owning a bike makes them SPECIAL. and being SPECIAL gives u all the right to forget about how COMMONERS like you and me walk. It's like humans having evolved to using complicated tools and machineries to cut down trees, while forgetting that primeapes are our family, and that once upon a time we used to climb trees like them. Similarly, because cyclists possess superior machines, we commoners have to give way to them. Seriously, I'm so sick of hearing the cyclists coming from behind ringing tt irritating bell non-stop until he zoom pass me. HELLO??? Being without a bicycle does not mean I'm deaf ok???? n y do I have to give way to you, when I'm already walking at the edge of the pavement??? am I really that fat that you can't overtake me? oh! excuse me. maybe you've lost all your primitive ability for maneuvering on anything narrower than the original path.
Cyclists are idiots. Do you think humans have EYES on the back of their heads? do you think we have rear view mirrors to see wat's coming from behind? do you think we do not have a right to be caught off guard and hence start swearing if u stealthily zoomed pass us? wat happens if I were to suddenly change course and cut right in front of u? will u blame me for cutting into your lane, even though I cannot possibly see you coming??? asshole.
Now I'm not trying to be egocentric here. But C'mon, the solution is soooo simple!!! juz use abit of common sense and everybody will be happy! like get pedestrians to keep to the side of the walkway without the drain covers, so when the cyclist cycle over the drain covers, the sound of the rattling can be heard far off! the pedestrian can be prepared for the coming of the bicycle, and the rate at which it is coming can be judged from the rate of the rattling! simple! no rear view mirrors or irritating bells needed.
but of course, this doesn't give the cyclist the excuse for cycling on the drain covers only when he is nearing the back of the pedestrians. especially not when he's cycling at a high speed. high speed at close proximity = sudden loud rattle = shock of the lifetime. for the sake of the pedestrian's heart. I would suggest at least 3 drain covers before overtaking the pedestrian. this is me talking from experience.
So wouldn't you agree tt it's such a simple solution???? it doesn't take alot of brains. unfortunately, cyclists have evolved to a stage whereby they've left their brains behind, so in order for them to gain some pre-historic intelligence, let them get a license for cycling. get them to know the necessary considerations.
One must remember that it is on the PEDESTRIAN PATH that they're cycling on, not a CYCLING path. remember who's the boss, assholes.
è¯å yawned @ 9:29 PM
Id's Chronicles of Daily Living
Id is a procrastinator.
This is a fact, not an insult. Even she herself admits it. Actually, she is very happy to be a procrastinator. Because whenever she gets scolded by Super-ego for procrastinating, it will mean that she had already used the "time-wasted" to do something that she WANTS. so that will make her very VERY happy.
In fact, she's so happy about procrastinating that she had even ask Super-ego to crown her
THE Procrastinator
, which Super-ego gladly did in her fit of anger. Now, having jailed Ego in her small room and Super-ego away on a looooong holiday, she have all the time in the world to procrastinate whenever she wants. To her, this is the perfect life.
Until she met Friend.
Id know the theory of "birds of a feather flock together", and so is not surprised to find fellow procrastinators in her circle of friends. But Friend is different. Friend overturned all that she had believed in. She made her lose faith in herself, to cause her self-image to be shaken.
Friend had taken the word procrastination to a lvl higher.
Friend is truly THE PROCRASTINATOR.
This is really incredible. the level of procrastination shown by Friend is unbelievable. Plus Friend has coupled her unrivaled procrastination prowess with equally unparelleled manipulation, so that even people who should be angry with her procrastination will "understand her stand and forgive her".
All these made Id very much sick indeed.
But what is important now is that Id has to come face to face with the choices she have to make... There is no room for procrastination. Should she:
(a) Remove herself from the person that make her sick; or
(b) Prove to the world that it is she, Id, that should be the ultimate Procrastinator; or
(c) Attempt to guide Friend's lvl of procrastiantion to a more socially acceptable level.
Hrmm... interesting... Id crossed her legs and appeared to be deep in thought. A rare sight; unfortunately it is also clear that she is slowly and surely slipping into another cycle of procrastination...
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Links:
Introduction :: The story of Id, Ego & Super-ego
The life stories ::
Episode 01 -- Ego's Epic Journey part 01 ; 02 ; 03
Episode 02 -- Id's Chronicles of Daily Living
Finale :: The Case of the Missing SuperEgo
è¯å yawned @ 8:42 PM
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Thursday, March 10, 2005
mid way eval today
Time passes so quickly! i've been through half of my 4 week placement already! *unbelievable* hopefully it'll end soon hahaha.
hrm... but thinking back, i think i've not really accomplished much~ *sweatdrop* this unaccomplishment is clearly highligted to me today, becoz today is the day where HuaBeng comes down to the center to evaluate me.
[mid way eval = lecturer see me do one session + go through the grades n comments given] -- this is what i've been taught to expect. HOWEVER, becoz i haven't been doing anything else except for ranging n strengthening, there's not much Occupational Activities that i can show him right??? PLUS! it was quite clear to him that i haven't started planning a seesion independently for ANY clients yet... wat's there to observe???
clearly felt tt my progress in my clinical experience is very slow... abit helpless again. But the funny thing is i don't especially feel depressed. It's like i've kinda known it and accepted this fact long ago? not much impact on me. juz abit paiseh lah.
so regarding my incompetence, i told my sup about it at the end of the day. He said tt i'm really REALLY doing fine. Said i showed a very positive attitude to learning and to the clients, colleagues. n he said he thinks tt i take initiative to ask qn and feedback, which is good. *thinks back to 1st week's resolution to show more initiative. guess it worked abit haha.* No negative comments from him, but rather than thinking i'm fine, i'd rather think it's becoz he hadn't really observed how i carry out session independently? i'm pretty sure comments for improvement will come when i start next week.
oh, n later on in the afternoon, had a chance to try doing a 2-man transfer on a dependent client. Took the body part. i can barely lift him an inch off the chair! Sup looked at me quizzingly, i said "i'll do weights training lah!" den he say "no lah not about strength. it must be that u're lacking in some techniques" Can't believe he's saying the same thing as HuaBeng, when it's clear tt only he can lift the heaviest client around???!?!?
Haiz, I feel like it's already the end of the week, though it's only thurs. My brother is leaving for his NS tml, so sad tt i cannot see him in. (actually i curious abt the camp lah hehe.) i'm gonna miss him~
è¯å yawned @ 8:13 PM
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Saturday, March 05, 2005
clarification + progress
one of my fren called me up on thurs nite to ask if i'm ok. i replied "ya~ ok wat. wat makes u think i'm not?" n she said something along the lines of "from reading your blog". So i went to read my entries on my clinicals...
n i was smiling sheepishly all the way...
haha. not to say tt the entries are false, u muz understand tt to me, a blog is to let me release all my pent up emotions when i haf no where to go... So watever tt i blogged down may juz be a reflection of my emotions "at-the-spur-of-the-moment" :)
So basically, to clarify. yes i really felt lost on mon n tues, but not as lost as like in outer space. At most it'll be like being lost at sea lah, but at least still somewhere on planet Earth. yes my ego was hurt on wed, but not as if i bleed until i need to go to the A&E...
And latest updates, things are looking better for me this past 2 days le. Apparently my feeling of being lost is INDEED due to mismatched expectation between me n my supervisor. But i think i've understooded wat he want from me, and wat i can expect from him le. So not so lost le =)
Gave him my list of learning objectives today. say he'll look through them over the weekends. Was able to sit down n discuss a case using a model. Gave me lotsa ideas to work at on the case. Gave me lots of readings tt's inline with my learning objectives... (ARGH~ my weekend no need to sleep le!!!) also, after the case discussion, i felt a desperate need to upgrade my clinical reasoning... to be more holistic, more mature, more professional... i think its quite beneficial to discuss the case with him -- provided u have already done your homework and know what u're talking about! hehe.
hrm. mid way eval next week... will i be ready? i want to perform better in the following weeks to come! and i will deifinitely strive towards tt!!!
è¯å yawned @ 12:20 AM
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Thursday, March 03, 2005
things to do while relaxing the mind~
as a change on the forum, and also to save my emode aka tickle account.
Tickle's Original Inkblot Test :: Reveal Your Subconscious Mind
your subconscious mind is driven most by .
You have a deep desire to be kind and fair to others. You are preoccupied with finding kindness in the world around you, far more than you may realize on a conscious level. This makes you unusually empathetic and very sensitive to other people's feelings.
Your kind nature makes you an optimist at heart and allows you to see the best in the people around you. Because you're not judgmental, others seek you out when they need a friend.
Your psyche is very rich; the more you learn about it, the more you will understand who you really are.
The Super IQ Test :: How Smart Are You
Really?
your Super IQ score is
Your overall intelligence quotient is the result of a scientifically-tested formula based on how many questions you answered correctly. But it's only part of what we learned about you from your answers on the test. We also determined the way you process information.
The way you think about things makes you a Complex Intellectual. This means you are highly intelligent and have extraordinarily strong verbal and math skills. Compared to others you are a highly conceptual and complex thinker and are able to understand information in an abstract form. You also show great attention to detail. In fact, it's hard to find something you're not good at.
How did we determine that your thinking style is that of a
Complex Intellectual? When we examined your test results further, we analyzed how you scored on 8 dimensions of intelligence: spatial, organizational, abstract reasoning, logical, mechanical, verbal, visual and numerical. The 3 dimensions you scored highest on combine to make you a
Complex Intellectual. Only 6 out of 1,000 people have this rare combination of abilities.
What's Your Style Profile?your style profile is
When it comes to fashion, you're neither master nor slave. You love cute clothes (after all, you are a girl) but refuse to make it your life's work. That said, you do have your favorites — including a splurge or two. But it's okay; we won't let your secret out.
When you're out shopping with friends, you tend to be one of the more practical of the group. In fact, we'd guess you're rarely one to sacrifice comfort for fashion. Which is not to say you haven't been swept away by something fabulously impractical. But, be honest, when was the last time it made an appearance? So keep at it with your laid-back style that says to the world, "Here I am, no muss no fuss."
Put the finishing touch on your style statement. Try the trendy and timeless shoe of choice by style icons and Hollywood’s hottest like Mischa Barton.
Are You a Dating Do or Don't?
you're a dating don't when it comes to
There's something to be said for minding your Ps and Qs. While you don't have to be Miss Manners, there's a certain level of proper etiquette that's par for the course — especially on a first date.
Sure, you know first impressions are everything. So why not cover your bases and at least try to mind your manners? Beyond saying, "Please" and "Thank you," good conversation can make or break a date. Some people go mute or chat away when they're nervous — try to find a good balance. And avoid touchy subjects like politics, religion, and past relationships. Let your personality shine through. You'll help ensure that your date has as great a time as you!
For more stupid but entertaining quiz results, pls refer to a previous post and replies here.
è¯å yawned @ 8:08 PM
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Wednesday, March 02, 2005
my ego's hurt...
er before i begin, the ego here means 自尊心, not the character i've adapted from Freud's Psychosexual theory for my short story.
anyway, ya, my ego's hurt today.
remember earlier i said about not knowing what to do in the clinical setting? the result was me sitting around and at most chit-chatting with the clients as they proceed with the treatment program.
i didn't like doing nothing. First it might affect my grades, but most importantly, wat's the point of going for clinicals if you don't gain some experience? but i felt abit helpless in trying to change my situation then, so bascially it dragged on, n i'm still mostly chit-chatting on my 3rd day...
i guess i must have looked pretty slacked. but my sup like no comments leh (which actually bothers me abit, coz it meant either he doesn't know i exist, or he's those kinda pple tt'll juz drop the ultimate bombshell on u on the evaluation day). apparently my slack-iness had perhaps irked other OTs le...
Wat happened was i was sitting with a client assisting in the hand exercise. My sup came along to check how things are going. Then another OT came along and asked my sup to ask me to do some compilation of pressure-relief mattresses. My sup said he can't decide for me whether i shd do it or not, coz its not part of my work scope there mah. think he wants her to ask me directly, me being juz rite beside him. I was about to say "ok!" when she exclaimed to him something along the lines of "what u cannot decide? you're her supervisor lehx~ she can take it as a project she have to complete here lah. since your student always not doing anything..."
basically, i listen until here then very qi gek liao. c'mon lah, if u wanna say this kinda thing, dun say it infront of me rite? n if u really need to say, no need to exclaim so loudly rite? PLUS you definitely don't have to say this kinda thing in front of clients that i may have to work with for my coming weeks rite? My ego roared and raged and threaten to leash out at her.
but really, can i do anything about it? definitely not then. i can only smile and look at them. inside, i can feel my ego bleeding from internal injury le.
Anyway, as the bleeding stops and clots in the evening, i've decided!!! i cannot 让人看扁!!! otherwise my ego might die!!! so i shall make a concious effort to create my own learning environment! i WILL take the initiative! i juz hope tt my sup won't be running ard all day tml again...
P/s: bored of clinical stories? tag n tell me. then i'll stop writing.
è¯å yawned @ 11:24 PM
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Tuesday, March 01, 2005
1st day.
realised tt if i dun post this now i can't post any complains becoz i'll disrupt the flow. so here it is...
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drafted: 28/02/2005 10:45pm
having slacked the whole of sunday away, i didn't sleep well. woke up at 5+ at the sound of my dad n bro leaving the hse. forced myself to slp again.
::0605am::
woke up. went to kitchen n had the encounter w oh-mighty-survivor (refer to [The Prehistoric Survivor] for more details). had bad feeling about clinical sup.
::0810am::
reach hospital w fren. explore. felt physiological response of increased heartrate n perspiration. realised tt i'm nervous.
::0828am::
realise tt supposed to meet supervisors at the center's reception, NOT the hospital's reception. raced to center.
::0830am::
was told tt supervisors not there yet.
::0832am::
supervisor suddenly appeared from no where. fren's supervisor looks like a nice person. my sup left me wif my fren's sup for orientation.
::0840am ~ 0900am::
orientation. also got to know tt my sup has lotsa caseloads this week. my heart goes *uh-oh*. fren's sup handed me over to my sup.
::0900am ~ 1115am::
1st hands on- help client cut nail
2nd hands on- passive ranging
3rd hands on- help client bandage hand into tenodesis position
4th hands on- help take blood pressure
thereafter- i forget le.
::1120am::
went for case conference
::1130am::
realise tt i'm not seeing any sense in sitting in when i dun even noe which client they're toking abt. also recognise the physiological response of truncal muscle spasm = i'm freezing.
::1200nn ~ 1230pm::
fighting with myself not to yawn / fall asleep
::1230pm ~ 0115pm::
complaining to my fren tt i have ABSOLUTLEY no idea wat i've been doing for the whole morning.
::0120pm ~ 0200pm::
attended the cannot-reject invitation to lunch party w fellow team members. did my best to be sociable by sitting with them. managed to exchange 4 lines of conversation. gave up when topic became one on [How to feed my kid] n went exploring the center.
::0200 pm ~ 0515pm::
another round of dunno-wat-i'm-doing session. although i did enjoy the geriatric clients tt always complain "cannot!!! here pain!!!" or "cannot!!! very tiring!!!". felt proud of being able to motivate one elderly lady to complete her 20min of leg bicycle exercise =)
::0515pm ~ 0540pm::
at last a chance to talk to my sup. idea i get is he not expecting alot from my practical skills *phew* but nagging feeling says tt he can't even imagine me doing practical well on my 1st day... says alot about his impression of my skills rite?? *sad*
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Problems i had:
- i wasn't given case notes... n even if i requested for it i won't get it b4 i see the client anyway --> its all in the computer system which can only be assessed by relevant personnel.
- i am readily discarded by my supervisor: i might follow him on his 1st case of the session, but just when i'm chatting w the client, he'll go on to another case, making no indication of whether i should follow him or not. Feeling bad for leaving the 1st client alone, i carried on w the same client. which is when i realise i'm actually missing out alot of the cases, since he REALLY multi-task several clients at a go.
- he turned out to be my 1st supervsisor that really expect me to take initaitive for my own learning ba. (tt's my impression). n being a blur queen i usually drown when i'm thrust into the deep end of the pool.
- having had 1 day of dunno-wat-i-am-doing, i also have totally no idea of what to do tml.
- n since i have totally no idea of wat to do tml, i need to prepare for everything that i can possibly think of.
- n hence i shd stop chronical-ing my day since its sapping too much of my time tt's meant to read up.
è¯å yawned @ 7:47 PM
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