Monday, March 21, 2005

black monday...

was feeling abit "floatish" when i wake up today, but remembering Michelle's reminder about not missing any clinical days if possible, i decided to forfeit my M.C. and went for clinicals...

wat a fateful decision it had been.

having spent the weekend nursing my health, i did not really plan for the day's activity. Wanted to go buy apple at the market downstairs on my walk to MRT, but ended up forgetting. Nvm, so i went instead to the Cold Storage at the nearby shopping center. Picked wat i needed for the clinicals, but ended up the counters only open at 8... haiz. can't wait tt long lah. otherwise i'd be late. erm... ok lah. maybe today dun do feeding, do shaving and brushing teeth can le. so returned all goods and went to work.

upon arriving at the center, i put down my bag, and thinking tt perhaps there'd still be something for me to use for feeding, i opened the fridge. shd make use of center's resources mah... woop! there's Hagen Daaz in the freezer! hrm... ice-cream is not a bad choice to start my client with spoon feeding~ asked the staff whose ice cream is tt? One therapist (therapist A) said it's hers. Asked if can spare abit for a session later? She stared at me and asked:

"wat if i say no?"
thinking she's testing me on grading activity, i replied:
"i'd use the apples instead"
she stared some more, and said:
"those are staff items u noe? cannot use for patients one. u better speak to ur supervisor about this"

oops. fine la. den i dun do feeding today lo. no need to blow the matter up wat. who noes news spread fast, and half way in the morning, my sup said to me:

"can i speak to u for a sec?"
my heartbeat stopped for a sec, and i followed him to the pantry.
my sup mopped ard abit, made himself a cup of coffee, and said:
"so er, can u tell me wat happened this morning?"
my heart said shit, but i told him factually tt i saw the ice-cream n i tot tt i might wanna use it. yaba yaba n so on. didn't tell him i was sick though. no point rite? he'll think i'm trying to get sympathy. anyway, the talk ended with him saying:
"i hope i wun have to receive this kind of complain again"

i don't know wat came over me, but i was trying hard to control my tears. i felt like i've committed a hideous mistake tt can cost me my whole clinical 2B. but i can't let it show, can i? need to regain my composure so tt can face my next client. so i held it back until i broke down during lunchtime. must have freaked out Geraldine then. but the stress of unfinished work from the weekend, and the humiliation of committing such mistake at my 4th week is just too much for me. so i cried.

if things ended just like tt, it would have been better, but no, heaven was unkind. towards the end of the day, when i've finished my load, my sup asked me to go to the com to work on my CRD, which i gladly agreed. the computer screen showed the logout page of the prog tt therapist document their SOAP. i tot tt since it's at the logout page, tt mean tt whoever who was using it had already finished using, so i clicked the cross. eh? no reponse. click again, still no response. aiyo. muz be prog hang le. so i open the task manager to close the prog. den logged out of windows. juz as i was logging in with my sup's password, the therapist (therapist B) tt was previously using the com rushed over n exclaimed tt she still need the com. mmm... ok lo i let u use bah. i go pantry write out my stuff first.

while i was in the pantry, i heard some commotion in the gym, something about student, computer etc. so i think muz be talking abt me la. hrm. shall not care. a while later, my sup came in n said he'll be doing a splint for a client, want me to watch. den he followed by saying:

"got a bad news for u"
my heart goes ??? n i stared at him.
"juz now u logged out therapist B's prog, and all the initial assessment notes tt she typed in halfway are all gone"
my heart goes !!! n i quickly explained to him tt i saw tt it's already on the logout page, and the prog hanged somemore! but i can see tt he dun believe me lah. i mean, even i seldom see the logout screen. pple usually juz cross out instead of logging out first b4 crossing out. haiz. i feel wronged.

anyway, after the splint, i decided i shd go say sorry to therapist B no matter wat. went to the pantry, saw therapist A talking to therapist B:

therapist A: aiyo y u so busy?
therapist B: aiyah lots of things to do. alot of documentation to write
therapist A: oh ya hor. esp after someone sabo-ed u.

i was like "..." waited for therapist A to exit b4 saying sorry to therapist B. tried to explain tt i saw tt it was on the logout screen b4 i cross it out, but i think she never really took it in. she smiled, and said something about it can't be helped, coz i dunno tt crossing out the prog will cause all data to disappear. n did she accept my apology? no.

To whoever tt's been planning the whole day's event for me, thanx alot dude. u've carved today's shame and humiliation onto me distinctively.

hiaz. as i was walking out of the center, i tot abt my sup's comment to huabeng during my midway eval, saying tt he's very ok about letting me work with remote supervision, because he trusts me on this kind of things. With this two things happening on the same day, i think my sup will change his mind. I kept thinking about how it'll affect my final eval, how it'll affect my presentation to all the OTs, and how it'll affect how other staff think of me, since therapist B apparently exclaimed tt i caused all the data to be lost in the gym, with all the clients and staff ard.

越想越烦, so i bought myself an ice-cream to eat on my walk out to the MRT. eat halfway den realise my stomache dun feel rite. luckily din have diarrhea until now, otherwise it'll be black event #3 for today le.

let's hope tt i wun haf diarrhea le lah, hor? n with all these events happening today, i juz wish tt someone quickly end my clinicals, or if tt's not possible, end my life instead.

華子 yawned @ 7:51 PM

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My pet, my fish, my dear.

Rest in peace my dear~ i'll miss you...

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