Wednesday, March 02, 2005

my ego's hurt...

er before i begin, the ego here means 自尊心, not the character i've adapted from Freud's Psychosexual theory for my short story.

anyway, ya, my ego's hurt today.

remember earlier i said about not knowing what to do in the clinical setting? the result was me sitting around and at most chit-chatting with the clients as they proceed with the treatment program.

i didn't like doing nothing. First it might affect my grades, but most importantly, wat's the point of going for clinicals if you don't gain some experience? but i felt abit helpless in trying to change my situation then, so bascially it dragged on, n i'm still mostly chit-chatting on my 3rd day...

i guess i must have looked pretty slacked. but my sup like no comments leh (which actually bothers me abit, coz it meant either he doesn't know i exist, or he's those kinda pple tt'll juz drop the ultimate bombshell on u on the evaluation day). apparently my slack-iness had perhaps irked other OTs le...

Wat happened was i was sitting with a client assisting in the hand exercise. My sup came along to check how things are going. Then another OT came along and asked my sup to ask me to do some compilation of pressure-relief mattresses. My sup said he can't decide for me whether i shd do it or not, coz its not part of my work scope there mah. think he wants her to ask me directly, me being juz rite beside him. I was about to say "ok!" when she exclaimed to him something along the lines of "what u cannot decide? you're her supervisor lehx~ she can take it as a project she have to complete here lah. since your student always not doing anything..."

basically, i listen until here then very qi gek liao. c'mon lah, if u wanna say this kinda thing, dun say it infront of me rite? n if u really need to say, no need to exclaim so loudly rite? PLUS you definitely don't have to say this kinda thing in front of clients that i may have to work with for my coming weeks rite? My ego roared and raged and threaten to leash out at her.

but really, can i do anything about it? definitely not then. i can only smile and look at them. inside, i can feel my ego bleeding from internal injury le.

Anyway, as the bleeding stops and clots in the evening, i've decided!!! i cannot 让人看扁!!! otherwise my ego might die!!! so i shall make a concious effort to create my own learning environment! i WILL take the initiative! i juz hope tt my sup won't be running ard all day tml again...

P/s: bored of clinical stories? tag n tell me. then i'll stop writing.

華子 yawned @ 11:24 PM

______________________________

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In glory of Coralfish, my 1st and last fish, who died on 08/01/06.

You've outlasted Grad,
who mysteriously disappeared.
You've outlived Spike,
whose sudden death, i wondered.
You've battled illness,
that'd rendered you disabled.
You'll be on my mind, always,
My pet, my fish, my dear.

Rest in peace my dear~ i'll miss you...

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name: .::dor::.
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