Tuesday, January 31, 2006
fear
what is fear?
The untouchable expression
The unknown arena
The overwhelming sense of helplessness.
what is helplessness?
The futility of attempts
The morbidity of hopes
The pent-up smokes of anger.
what is anger?
The fumes of frustration
The empty promises by saviours
The slow evolution of helplessness to fear.
what is fear?
The untouchable expression
The unknown arena
The struggle in a battle already lost.
è¯å yawned @ 12:13 PM
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Friday, January 27, 2006
existance
I hear
The ringing in my ears
I see
The blurring in my eyes
I feel
The coldness on my skin
I taste
The emptiness of the world
When sound becomes meaningless
And skin becomes numb
When the room starts spinning
spinning around me
spinning, spinning
spinning non-stop
Have no senses
Cease to exist
è¯å yawned @ 12:06 PM
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Thursday, January 26, 2006
My grandfather passed away this morning
è¯å yawned @ 7:38 PM
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Sunday, January 22, 2006
I hate the sound of the wind!
Argh! The recording of my last fyp interview is mostly the sound of the fan wind! How to transcribe??? How can she face the mic towards the fan!! I can't believe this. Can i kill tt woman???
è¯å yawned @ 12:27 AM
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Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Question
How can a gal who gets shy and nervous in front of every guy that seems to look her way when she passes by ever gonna be romantically involved?
I don't get it. There's no way that there can be a start. And worse still, most prob when the gal is comfortable with that guy, she most prob would have also eliminated the chances of being romantically attached to him as well.
There's no way out, is there? hrm.
è¯å yawned @ 10:51 AM
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Saturday, January 14, 2006
CNY is coming!! and my wish is to...
... to be able to go to my grandma's place on CNY's 1st day only in the evening with a legitimate reason.
dun understand me right? lemme explain. Traditionally all members of my extended family (of course my maternal side la! my paternal side all in HK...) will congregate at my grandma's house, and somehow, my family has always been the earliest to reach, aka early afternoon. Then everyone will stay till late night, or should i say, early morning aka 4-5am before gg home.
Nothing wrong rite? but then I had, every year without fail, went there with my mum and brother.
Still nothing wrong right? WRONG! the problem is, almost all my cousins are NOT gg to the event with their parents anymore when they're at my age. And they'll only reach only in the late evening, coz
THEY ARE ALWAYS INVOLVED IN SOME KIND OF SOCIAL EVENTS IN THE DAY TIME. oh, as a sidetrack, they always have their gf/bf with them when they arrive.
darn. i mean, i'm not concerned abt the bf part la, since it's really all up to fate. but then, why do i find myself so devoid of social activities? hrm... not exactly correct if i say that. i shd say why am i so devoid of 'happening' happenings? why am i so different from all my cousins??? for god's sake the cousin 2yrs older than me is gg to get married soon! (coz he apparently he made his gf pregnant... wahahaha~) But nvm, him getting married has nth to do with me, but why don't i have activities on such "big days"???
ARGH~~~ why why why????? i feel like a kid holding onto my mum's apron to go to the event with her. when will i ever grow up??? Anyone wanna go out with me tt day? movie.. or ktv... wahahaha~ i think i'll be broke if i ever do those things i've just suggested.
Haiz.
è¯å yawned @ 8:01 PM
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Thursday, January 12, 2006
special days
ooh~ my last update was in oct 2005! and it's 2006 now! wahaha~ i've been lazy yeah~ but hey i'm NOT obliged to keep writing, right? =)
hrm, i was recently questioned about how i pass my New Year. I passed it on MapleSEA. hehe. and er, i most prob will be passing CNY with FYP. Do i feel sad about it? nah~
the thing about me is, i don't find socially recognised 'special days' special. New Year, CNY, birthdays, christmas etc etc etc... all are just normal days to me. i mean, you don't change because they're holidays rite? time passes as it normally does. and plus if it is a public hol, i'd have anticipated it in advance and will have planned something. no surprises.
What i find specials are things like, 'oooh! the lecturers cancelled the lecture! we can go home at 3pm instead of 5pm!' or 'hey! we only start sch tml at 2pm!' Haha... can see that i look forward to this kind of small lil surprises. i feel super-duper good if i suddenly realise that i can spend the morning sleeping in when i was initially supposed to be stoning in a lecture room. I'll beam with exuberance when i find i have extra hours to slack at home when i reach sch early. i think with this i can say tt i'm a person who gets satisfied rather easily. heh.
so imagine how i feel when someone kindly tell me that next tues we only have classes at 2pm, only for that same kind person to tell me tt 'hey! lets do FYP tt day since we have long hours! so, er.. meet at 9am hor.'
*sinks into a abyss of despair*
I DAMAND MY SHARE OF LIL LUXURIES IN LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
è¯å yawned @ 11:45 AM
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