Saturday, June 25, 2005
Midway eval & Initial D~
Initial D's theme song 《飘移》 has been playing in my head the whole day. i can't really catch the lyrics, and it's actually a mostly-rap song, but incredulously i can't get the "melody" out of my head! so other than experiencing the magic of Jay Chou's music, i also kinda took it as a hint tt i should blog about the movie today haha.
how shall i describe? wat can i say? it's just purely, simply, nice. Newspapers and magazine has been saying that Jay need not act at all -- the character fits him so much that he simply only need to be himself to clinch the best new actor award. I guess it's true, but not true at the same time. It's true tt their personalities are alike. But it is also an undeniable fact that he portrayed the character very well! even though i'm a jay chou fan, i kinda forget tt he is jay chou during the show. instead he became the genius car racer who knows nothing about the mechanics of the car. it's natural, it's smooth. i think no one can actually complain about that.
The movie itself is nice. i like the way it is shot. how concurrent events at different places interlace to provide the viewers a clear picture of what is happening, how the background of characters are introduced naturally without a lengthy "prologue", and how the music complements with the scene. There's never a dull moment. A car idiot like me who had never dared to step into a roller coaster can actually feel the adrenaline during the race! Incredulous! haha. The only fault i can find is that i think the kissing scene was done abit un-naturally. erm. the shots from various angles don't exactly flow. hrm. yup tt shd be all la.
mmm. i think i shd tok abit about my midway eval. Simply put, i think i failed it. the evaluation form i mean. but i don't exactly mind though. abit crazy rite? haha. I guess i'd expected it since the start of the week, and hence can cope with it more or less. This time round we're being assessed by at least 3 OTs, and apparently the way they grade is different from my prev sups. Need to do some more expectation adjustments again la.
Anyway, the session for hwei lan to observe turned out quite disastrous coz the inpatient tt i was seeing had a very low level of arousal tt day. nevertheless, i felt good after the session coz i really did try eveything tt i can think of to get his attention. At least i did my best! So there's no regrets... and that felt good!~ =)
Well, in summary, i think we've really improved quite abit since the start of this week. Can feel my engine changing to a higher gear. Hopefully this will keep up til the 6th week! and perhaps by tt time, i can meet the competence expected from a CE 3A student and pass my final eval~ but right now, just let me enjoy my flitting weekend~
è¯å yawned @ 12:01 AM
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Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Initial D preview~
I went to watch it today!!!
It's nice!!!! IT'S SUPERB!!! EVERYBODY GO WATCH IT!!!heh. am still 回味-ing the movie, although i haf midway eval in the morning. XJ's at 8, evaluation form from 0830 - 1000, and my session is at 10. abit uncertain what to do, coz the session i had with him today made me lose quite abit of confidence in my handling skills.
hmm. shall think more later. Anyway, Initial D gave me the adraneline to perk myself up tonight, so i guess i shall have enough energy to think abt tml. =)
Shall blog abt the show in the weekends. too many things to write!! ahaha~
Wish me luck for tml =)
è¯å yawned @ 10:35 PM
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Monday, June 20, 2005
Angry
it's this time of the year again.
it's time for me to spill my weals and woes and shout at the sky, pleading "WHY???"
first and foremost, i feel injustified. I don't understand why issit that they're asking us for details in the initial evaluation that i clearly don't remember seeing them even mentioned in their own initial evals forms. i'm not saying that i'm demanding equal treatment as team members, becoz i am, afterall, just a student. but i'm wat saying is that wat i write on my initial eval forms are modeled after wat i see. From looking at the various forms already written, i get the gist of what i am supposed to look out for, and wat information am i supposed to fill in each section. so how do you expect me to feel other than injustified when they start asking me why didn't i elaborate more?
and i'm angry also because despite this is the 3rd week, i'm still getting confused by what they aim for during treatment. why issit that sometimes they can devote an entire 30 min to PROM or tone normalisation activities, while other times they expect us to cook up some activities on the spot?? STOP giving me contradicting ideas. i'm confused, disorientated, and disorganised.
HOW can they simply tell us that "oh, if this in-patient is free, you 2 can go and have a session with him" and expect us to conduct a session on the spot?? Are we expected to be able to conduct sessions even without letting them know our plan?? don't they feel that their pt might be endangered due to our inexperience and improper planning? and if something do go wrong, am i supposed to take all responsibility and hence fail my placement? I personally feel that i am incapable and unqualified to give an impromptu treatment to patients. it is an irresponsible behaviour to just dive into a treatment even b4 having the assurance that wat i'm doing is approved of.
and today we're to present on SOAP to the OTs in the hospital. We're TOLD, or shall i say ORDERED to present it, even when we feel that we're more like 班门弄斧-ing. but tell me why i have to rush like mad ytdy night for its preperation when today most of them are taking it as a joke? 2 rushed off in the middle of it all, one did not even budge from his seat when we clearly starting, another keep insisting that wat she was taught when she was still in our school was that Assessment is actually more like Action and ended up confusing everybody up?? And did anyone leave the presentation with a clear picture of SOAP? of course not.
but then, the one that i'm really angry at is myself. i can't understand why am i lost again due to mismatched expectations. For the last placement, i at least had the reason that the environment was not exactly friendly and my sup nearly left me on my own. Here, i have XJ with me. the environment is nice and friendly. they even serve good and cheap lunches. why am i still like this? why am i still lost?? somehow, i felt more lost than i was before. because i thought of trying to assert myself b4, but i couldn't find a way to. Not when i'm seeing my sup being so busy. Not when my another sup seems to be constantly creating agendas for us in her mind whenever she sees us. Really, i can't believe she just booked a slot for an out-patient that requires myofacial pain management for us just like that. WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO WITH HIM??? don't she know that improper management of trigger points can lead to even more serious pain symptoms??? Is she trying to challenge us, or trying to kill our placement by putting the statement -- "student has unsafe practices, unsafe to work with patients" ???
talking about her, i can't help but got this feeling that she's expecting us to adopt the same working style as her. Issit wrong to feel that i shouldn't interrupt a therapist at work to ask her about her tml's schedule? Issit wrong to say that i cannot and should not conduct a session that i only have minutes to prepare? ARGH~~~
So unfortunately, i still haven't came to a solution... shall i struggle still some more, since i know that their mid-way eval is already filled in? shall i forget all my concerns and become the girl that shoots questions whenever they pop up in my head? I really shudder to think that on thurs, when hwei lan comes down, my sup will be saying all my flaws and i am left defenseless. I WILL BE defenseless, because i didn't know that they expected what of me and that i'm performing below expectation by THAT much since dunno when. I agree that i am below expectation. but i am also being graded upon by a criteria that i did not even know exist. And for this i feel angry and injustified.
Am feeling down really. It doesn;t matter that the pilates that i've just started on is making me feel alot healthier. It doesn't matter that my brother won the preview tickets for Initial D. It also doesn't matter that i discovered that for the first time in my lifetime, my hair can touch the bottom of the overhead handles on the MRT, which might actually suggect that i've grown taller somehow.
Now that i think of it, nothing really matters, after all.
è¯å yawned @ 8:20 PM
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Tuesday, June 14, 2005
to 'tel' or not to 'tel'
was distracted easily lately, despite clinicals. most prob i'm practising my coping method of escapism unconsciously, but since i'm already suspecting now, it shall cease to be an unconscious process. So i'm escaping consciously now, as evident of my action of blogging in the first place.
Anyway, ever since i got to know that my handphone plan has long passed its 2yr contract period, i'm began to fuss over what phones should i buy. the fact is, i'm very happy with my T610. not much problem til now, only the occasional lag when sms-ing. But since i want to get a new phone, it has to be, in some ways, an improvement of my present phone right?
i have only 5 requirements:
1. screen and camera resolution no lesser than my T610
2. either hav bluetooth, or USB cable included with infra function
3. MP3 as ringtone
4. to be able to access html pages on GPRS, so i can blog even overseas haha.
5. size of phone approximately the same size as T610.
Surprisingly, it's quite hard to find a phone to my liking. Nokia phone designs are way too "special" for me. I like Samsung slide up phones, but they usually lack features. Taken fancy to Mitsubishi M800 for a while, but heard alot of bad reviews. Panasonic X800, XJ's beau (haha) is value for money, seriously, but i find it a tad too big for my liking. 残念ですね～ でも、presently, motorola and S.E. phones do not appeal to me as well... except the new K750 of course. Tt's a beauty. It made me wanna wait for the price to drop.
So as i was surfing the net further, i came across other models tt caught my eye. Have decided to wait for them to be out in the market at an affordable price. after all, my T610 is still going strong! =)
Anyway, the phones i'm looking out for are:
--> Samsung E880
--> Sony Ericsson K600/K608. i think both are low end 3G phones. similar in function but K608 design is more appealing. Will compare prices with K750 at that time, to see which will drop faster haha.
Am also be considering to switch all my mobile lines and broadband to starhub le. Singtel is not giving me sufficient benefits to show that i'm a treasured customer! abit fed-up. Every 2 years, Starhub will send a $100 hp discount voucher to my mum to encourage her to sign on again. I've been with Singtel for 4 damn years and there's not a piece of shit from them. They didn't even have the courtesy of informing me that my 2 yr contract is up!
and the idiotic broadband. I signed up for a 2 year contract tt bonded me at $70/mth for unlimited access @ 512 kbps. Lately i've come to realise that the price for an unlimited 512kbps is actually only $47.25??!?! and at $58 u can get a 1500kbps unlimited plan!!! and i'm paying $70 for 512kbps?????? !@#@%#$%^@&%^*@#$@#%
singtel is just not showing how i'm a valued customer la. It's giving me the impression that it's a giant blood sucking vampire trying to take as much money possible without giving benefits. I might as well switch it to Starhub. With all the link points i get i can enjoy rebates like free SCV channel. At least i'll be rewarded for staying on!!!
è¯å yawned @ 10:11 PM
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Sunday, June 05, 2005
coincidences
Have your ever met with the wierdest conincidence? I had, or in fact, is having now.
Apparently, my mum always call home when i'm in the worst possible scenario to take the call. it also happens to be when i'm alone at home, so there's no 'other person' to help pick the call instead.
Like when i'm in the middle of watching an important component of an anime(which, if i miss, will render me incapable of continuing the story meaningfully), or when i had just dozed off to nurse my headache, or just as i was rushing out of the house becouse i'm running late, or like just now, when i was all ready to bathe when the telephone rang.
Now, i understand that if i can't take the call, i CAN don't. But that would mean that the phine will keep ringing. I personally dislike the shrill sound of phone ringing. it 's like it's screaming: Pick me up you idiot! Also, i tend to think that by not picking up a call, it will usually cause unnecessarily anxiety in the caller, like 'where the hell is dor?' So in most cases, i'll just go and take the damn call, inconveniencing myself and hence making me frustrated. and guess wat? being immature and all, i usually will vent it out on whoever tt's calling in, who unfotunately, is almost always my mum.
i regretted it almost immediately. How would she know that i'm bathing? 所谓“祸从口出”一定就是指这个了, coz once she's back, she started yelling at me for that impolite (or rather more accurately, hostile) manner. I explained that i know that i'm wrong, but you juz always catch me at THAT time! and she said wat i knew: Don't pick up the call if you're not willing to! Don't spoil my day!
Haiz i know i know... but that shrill ringing!!! ARGH! can take neither picking nor ignoring the call!!
So now, as i am writing all these down to sort out my thoughts, i came up with 3 solutions:
1.Hang up the phone when i feel i will be inconvenienced.
-- but that will also block all important calls from coming in!
2.Transfer the house line to my hp, so that it's with me all the time and not cause too much inconveniece like today.
-- but the ringing will still disturb me... hrm.
3.Apply for voicemail, so that when i hang up the phone, any urgent msg can be recorded down.
-- but $$$...
mmm.. maybe i should just transfer the hse line to my hp, but put my hp on silent vibration mode, so that i'll know phonecalls coming in, but i can also choose to ignore it by covering it with a pillow. hrm. sounds good.
But frankly speaking, i know these are all only short term solutions, becoz i know one day, the line 'Why didn't you pick up the call when you can? Do you know how worried i was, not knowing what's happened to you?' will come one day. and no matter how i explain my situation, or remind them that 'it's you who said i can don't pick up the call if i don't feel like it', it will be futile. Talk about contradictions. Ha! at least i won't be at home most of the time from tml onwards~ *yeah!*
Speaking of phonecalls, i got reminded about the incident when i was reaching home after the ECPark gathering. it was already 12am+ when i was on the bus home from Woodlands MRT. I called my dad to 报平安, and to say i'll be reaching home shortly. He said he'll meet me downstairs at the lift lobby. OK! so as i walk along the main road to the lift landing, i was like super alert, checking who's walking behind me, keys between my fingers so as to deliver a hard and DEADLY punch if i ever need to wield it. Finally, i was safe at the lift landing, but eh? dad's nowhere in sight. Mmm~ i looked around, but still no traces of him. Maybe he's still not down yet. So i went up in the lift. Just as i was opening the front gate, my dad called me and said he's waiting at the bus stop. i was like, er, i'm home already actually. i'm openi... "WHAT?!?" he roared, made an irritated grunt and cut off the line. I stared at the hp, shrugged my shoulders and went into the house.
The first thing he said to me when he came home was 'your EQ is really low'. i was like huh?? He said, "You should have called me when you don;t see me downstairs! you culd have guessed that we had just missed each other!" i was like "How would i know? i thought that maybe you haven't stepped out of the house yet?" In my heart i was thinking, wat's with wating a few seconds more? i would have called you immediately if i discover you aren't at home after all. Anyway, i'm pretty mad at him making such accusations, so basically we haven;t exchanged a word since then. I know he's wating for me to apologise, but why should i? I seriously don;t deserve that remark! He shuold be the one apologising. So what if he's my dad? a mistake is a mistake.
Anyway, i now suddenly realised that in my current situation, i resembled dad while mum resembled me. I'm angry that i got into unwanted situations becoz of her phonecalls, and she's angry becoz i got angry. Juz like dad, who got angry most prob becoz he walked unecessary distances, while i got angry becoz he's angry. What's interesting though, is that after the incident bet my dad and i, my mum keep wanting me to apologise to dad. 'Think of the concern behind his actions' she said. Now, if whe were to realise that i rushed all the way out to pick that call becoz i'm worried that she will get worried if i don;t pick up the hse phone AND the hp, will she apologise to me?
I don;t think so.
è¯å yawned @ 10:34 PM
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Thursday, June 02, 2005
The Past
Was reading my past entries, all the way from the first to the most recent ones. Truthfully speaking, i think i like my earlier entries much better, because they seem more interesting and had a nicer flow to the words and ideas. Perhaps i should refrain from succumbing to the use of Singlish sentence structure in the future, because i really think it's sticking out like a sore thumb among the other internationally approved sentences.
Also discovered how childish some of my ideas are, but i'm pretty sure i'll still react the same way if it were to occur to me now again. This goes to show how childish i still am right? =)
All these recaps of previous thoughts and feelings prompted me to act on this project that i would like to invite all my friends who are reading my blog to participate. Could you spare some time to write me an email telling me how i was when we first met, and how i had changed since we last met? how did we hit off? and if possible, but i doubt it'll be likely, can you tell me what we usually talk about when we were "close"?
My OT clique-mates should be able to identify that this must be another of my attempt at getting feedback about myself. Yes, i agree that i had been abit overly obsessed about self discovery ever since Thomas Sim taught us The Johari Window in Year 1. But the main idea of this survey is actually to collect information about how i've changed over the years. It's an attempt to fill the gap in the mental picture of my past self.
I've actually been doing alot of reflecting these few days. The mental processes will juz kick start whenever i'm alone and not preoccupied with other sensory or mental stimulation. Perhaps it's because i've been reading books. Perhaps it's because i'm reading Douglas Adam's book, whom i only recently discovered had "hitched his own ride to the great unknown" in 2001, after written his 5 books on the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy trilogy. And because i'm totally into his books, and also i think i only got to read the first of his book not long after he died when i was in JC1, i felt abit overwhelmed by the how intricate the life web presents itself to be. Which subsequently led me to reflect on a series of topics therafter~ And the topic of time travel popped up so i became interested in my own past la haha~
Anyway, I think that whatever comments you may have about me may be inappropriate for posting on the blog. It is, afterall, personal views you may hold about my personality, which can be considered as a sensitive topic. So can all kind and helpful souls email me your contributions to d_hanako@hotmail.com ?
I thank you very much for your contribution~
è¯å yawned @ 12:28 AM
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Wednesday, June 01, 2005
我们都老了...
Interestingly, i had 2 discussions on the topic of dating consecutively on 2 days.
The first one was over supper with xj, after our jap class. we were talking about how good JC days were, the stupid things we do, the funny experiences we had, and how the about-to-end-manga 《彼氏彼女的事情》deeply reminds us that we had missed the oppurtunity to do something memorable for our lifetime... like playing traunt (for me la) haha. We were also talking bout past romatic experiences / encounters. quite funny haha.
The second one is when i met up with my secondary school friends ytdy. Interesting that everytime we meet (which is not often), there'll be another of us getting attached, so they're suggesting that we should meet up more often haha. Here we had an exchange of views like 恋爱心得, the distinction between "dating" and "getting attached", the criteria for a boyfriend, and, quoting my friend, "using brains when u fall in love".
It was when i'm heading home alone on the MRT ytdy that i found the link between the 2 discussions. The thing about the second discussion is that everyone was naturally talking about marriage as the next step to a steady couple... even the newest pair! and in the 1st discussion me and xj were lamenting over the fact that JC was actually the best time to “轰轰烈烈地爱一场”，and we've already missed the chance to do so.
Why so? because in poly, both of us felt that we are isolated from the rest of the school by 1. age gap, 2. nonsensical CCAs that does not serve its purpose of connecting students of different schools together, and 3. our heavy, packed timetable. and after we graduate, we'll be working with doctors, nurses, OTs, PTs, SLTs etc etc, and hence the limited social circle.
To understand the last point, you must share my idea of a “轰轰烈烈” relationship. It meant being head over heels in love with for no apparent reason at all, exciting, exhilarating, with adventures that you can remember even after you've parted ways. if you end up together, tt's good! but it's not neccessarily geared towards the direction of a marriage from the start...
ah~ can see i'm a bit of a romantic + fiction here. What i'm basically saying here is that i'm not hoping for my first relationship to be my last. What i'm looking out for is just
something special.
Which is why the probability of it gets lower as we get older. Coz not only the social circle gets smaller, people will also lack the courage to "try something different". The older you get, the more you'd be thinkning of marriage.
haiz. That's the way society works i guess. nevermind me. i'm just doing my round of idealistic, unrealistic sputterings.
è¯å yawned @ 11:41 AM
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